Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
