my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
