I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
