my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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