so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
