apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
