worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize