we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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