Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
