Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
