You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
