3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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