And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
