weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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