But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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