k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
