as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize