I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
