He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
