Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
