Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
