Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
