what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
