I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
