You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
