The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
