It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
