i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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