I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize