As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
