is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
