well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
