You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
