I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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