My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
