our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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