my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
