Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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