so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
3pm strippers are depressing
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
