no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
