meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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