i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
