sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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