they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
