Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
