For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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