Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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