Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
