sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
