they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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