you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
