I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize