you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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