THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
