onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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