Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
