it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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