Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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