i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I AM VODKA MAN
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
