yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
