ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
