There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
