You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
