nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
