Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
