shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
