So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
