So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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