the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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