Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
