Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
