Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
