we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
