i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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