SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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