i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
