How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
