i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
