Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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