Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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