i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
