Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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