# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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