I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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