mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
