I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize