I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
this is an emotional support booty call
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
