just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
