he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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