I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
