mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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