those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
