the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
