What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
