1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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