Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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