you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize