Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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