She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i think my cat just said my name.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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