his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
