AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
