Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize