I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
