Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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