Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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