my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
