In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize