sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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