I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
