How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
did i walk over a car last night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
