I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize