I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
