Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
