is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
