we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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