I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
