If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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