I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
