I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize