we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
